DAYENU

Dayenu (It would have been enough)

It would have been enough if G-d had healed our broken hearts.  It would have been enough to move past it, to just let go.  But right now, today…is today all I have?

What was life like before we started this journey?  We are traveling a road to a place we don’t even know we can get to – I mean how do we know we’ve arrived?  This world of adoption is so foreign - but strangely familiar.  Sometimes I catch a glimpse of my own adoption – I remember scripture that tells me I am His and He is mine.  I start to believe it…

When will this be over?  Will it be when parental rights of the birth parents are terminated?  Will it be when I see the birth certificate with our last name on it?  Will it be when the judge finally declares that Matty is legally ours?  How can a judge declare something I know was declared in the heavens long ago?  How does the world get to decide if my son is my son?

After two miscarriages we didn’t think we had anything left to give.  How can I want children now after G-d has taken the others away from me?  How can I think I can give life when I feel like I am walking around dead and hollow.  You may as well hang a “vacant” sign around my neck and call it a day.  I mean, how does a G-d that is so loving allow this?

But now…now, I look at this little man I am holding in my arms remembering every tear I’ve cried in anguish.  Every angry moment.  Every awful thought.  My sweet lament bathes his smooth cheek with all the joy and sorrow of a “real” parent as I watch him sleep.  He knows he belongs here.  We know he belongs here.  Until the heavens shake the earth and make it “real”, I will rest today knowing that he is our son…today.

He has turned my sorrow into joy.  And for today, it is enough.
    
Dayenu is Hebrew for “it would have been sufficient”.  It is used in a traditional Passover song that is over a thousand years old; it reminds us that if G-d had only brought the Isrealites out of Egypt it would have been enough and so on.  Learning to take life one day at a time and receive G-d’s blessings for today has been an ongoing lesson for our community.  The Garrison family is a beautiful example of embracing G-d’s blessing today as they walk the road of adoption.

The Rest Of the Story

Matthew has now legally become Brian and Courtney's son (althogh he has been their son his whole life) and have also welcomed a new little girl, Anna Faith Garrison.